New Offering

Looking to express a tone in this offering.  Not much going on in the way of poetic devices.


The coffee’s the same as yesterday–
the soup, the movies, the newspaper,

the open window.  I miss the slide of the bed-
room door, the shuffle of your feet, and laughter.

— Todd Sukany 17 July 2013

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1 Response to New Offering

  1. Pat Laster says:

    Tone is accomplished as you wished. (When I first began writing poetry, tone was one of the first things the critic assailed–gently, of course.) I wish “bedroom” could be one word, unless you meant for the reader’s first impression to be “the slide of the bed”–a visual in itself (you probably meant to do that). Therein, I suppose, is the second meaning of the line. Nicely succinct with lots of warmth. Speaking of critic, welcome as PRA’s critic.

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