Poetry Forum

Found Poem- Dalton McDaniel  

 

Active Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 19
06/11/2018 7:03 pm  

My face yesterday was different.

The voices were back louder voices.

My airway hissed a breath out. 

There's not enough air in here.

I cant breath.

Damn, I'm having a panic attack.

Help Me!

I bit down on my lower lip, wanting to feel pain.

I'm not breathing right.

Gasping I put on my sweet pants.

Then a shirt.

The knot in my stomach tightened.

I went outside.

Fresh air hit me in the face.

I cut across the parking lot.

Heading down route 28.

Then the car slowed. 

from Battery Brothers by: Steven Carman


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Member Admin
Joined: 7 years ago
Posts: 131
06/11/2018 9:11 pm  

I like your choices.  You don't have to have every line be a sentence.  I think you can add GREAT power to these words if you challenge the present line break system.


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Active Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 14
08/11/2018 6:33 pm  

I loved it! Great choice of words.


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Eminent Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 21
08/11/2018 6:34 pm  

i really enjoyed reading it and thought it was a powerful poem


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Active Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 19
08/11/2018 6:36 pm  

Very good, Really liked it, it was put together well


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Eminent Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 21
09/11/2018 6:41 pm  

I like how every day her personality is different to her.


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Active Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 17
09/11/2018 6:47 pm  

good job


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Eminent Member
Joined: 12 months ago
Posts: 20
16/11/2018 6:39 pm  

wow very descriptive.


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